Alt= picture of woman writing a letter in a journal

A letter to my 9 – year – old self

Alt= picture of woman writing a letter in a journal
Letter writing is so cathartic.

Hey there beautiful girl! How are you? I know that life has been strange. It’s changing. People you knew and trusted are gone. There are new people in your life. You’re at your 6th new school. You don’t see your own family much. The relationships with your parents is odd but you’re taking it all in stride. 

You’re young. It’s what you do. You bounce back. You’re happy. You’re accepting. You’ve already seen more than your fair share of drama. You’ve got a leg up on childhood trauma but you’re like rubber. You bounce back and you’re super cute at that. 

Dear, sweet, beautiful baby girl. Life will change even more for you. Your grandmother will transition soon and it will be hard. While this isn’t your first brush with death, it is the first time that you truly understand it. You will be broken. Your emotions will be stifled. It will be a pain that you’ll carry in the pit of your heart for the foreseeable future. Know that she loves you and she looks out for you always. No matter what you go through in this life you make her so proud. 

I wish I could say that was all, but it’s not. One day really soon you’ll be sitting in the car with your father and he’ll tell you that he’s sending you away at the end of the school year. The story will be that taking care of you is effecting his relationship. It’s too much for his new wife and they feel that your mom should be the one to raise you. That brokenness from before engulfs you now. You’ll cry and you won’t really understand. You’re not supposed to understand baby girl. That conversation was inappropriate and that’s a weight that an adult should never put on a child. 

This conversation will be a turning point for you. The pain that you don’t understand is rejection and abandonment. You feel lost. You’re hurting. This is the start of your abandonment issues. I wish that I could tell you that it gets better…but it doesn’t. Not for a very long time. The moments of happiness are fleeting. The relationship with you and all of your parents continues to deteriorate. Life gets continuously harder and you even contemplate and attempt suicide. I’m not going to lie to you baby girl, it gets rough. 

Before you write this life off as a waste though I want to tell you some really important things. 

  1. You are absolutely amazing. So smart, talented and gifted. You will excel at everything that you touch. I mean… math isn’t that great but you still excel and kick ass in your standardized tests ( SO TAKE THAT ALGEBRA). 
  2. You light up rooms with your amazing spirit, bubbly personality and power. You make people happy and want more out of life. At one point you will be amazed at the number of people who will tell you how much you changed them. So on those days when you feel like you’re worth absolutely nothing, remember that there are people who gleam so much from you. Remember that it is a blessing to be of service to others.
  3. You are loved. Unfortunately the pain will consume you and you’ll struggle to see the light outside of the darkness but people love you. Oh so many people love you,on this side and the next. You are loved. God loves you. There is a special boy growing up to love you. So even on those days that it doesn’t feel like it, YOU ARE LOVED. 
  4. Speaking of that boy…he really loves you. He will grow into the most amazing man and you will have the most amazing love. People you know and total strangers will tell you how much the love the two of you have inspires them. It won’t be easy. You’ll be two very wounded people trying to figure out how to love the pain out of yourselves and each other, but it will be so worth it. Honor yourself through the bullshit (because there will be plenty) but also heal yourself because your mess is part of the problem. Love that man. Marry that man. Have loads of beautiful babies. 
  5. While we’re on the subject of healing. That is a long a painful process. There is so much more that happens before you are in a safe space to heal. It will be slow and there will be decades of pain to unpack. It will be messy and it will be complicated. The years of abuse are directly connected to your self worth but I’m here to tell you something important: their actions don’t define you. You are not responsible for the way that they treated you. You were the child and they were the adults. Their issues, their pain, their trauma is not your own. Unfortunately you were on the receiving end of their unresolved trauma but that has nothing to do with you. You will heal. It will hurt. It will take time. However you have friends to love you through it. You have a wonderful man to love you through it. You will be fine. 
  6. Most importantly: I love you. You are so amazing and strong. You take so much in stride and you keep going. You accomplish so much in spite of having minimal financial support and no emotional support; smashing your goals, moving in stride and it is amazing and inspiring. You’re awkward but you’re cute so that’s ok. You’re a loyal friend. Your unyieldingly optimistic. Even on the absolute worst days you still find something to laugh about, even if it is dry ass humor. You are a rockstar and your exuberance carries us so far in life.

Dominique Nicole, darling, you are so loved. I wrap my arms around you right now and I just pull you in close to let you know how much I love you. How valued you are. How important you are. How beautiful and amazing you are. I’m sorry that nobody will be there to protect you. I’m sorry that people will turn a blind eye to your suffering and your pain. Just know that I’m here for you. The power that they stole from you, from us, I’m taking it back. Know that we are a force to be reckoned with. Know that we survive and thrive. 

Dominique Nicole I love you and I’ll see you on the other side.

XO

The future Dominique Nicole 💋

For more about Dominique Nicole check out the links below:

Boss Lady Spotlight Interview

Gone for a minute now I’m back!

Boss Lady Spotlight Featured Interview

Who doesn’t love to be talked about in a positive and uplifting way? I mean, I bet you can’t think of a single person that will say, “hell naw I don’t want to be talked about in a positive light”. Exactly. So today I am excited to announce that I was spotlighted in a featured post!

Coffee time fun. Featured interview photo session. 

Now I have to be honest…this post came out months ago.  If you follow me on social media you may have seen me share the link on my social profiles. I was and still am very excited about the post. It came out during a time when I was deep in transition and my blog wasn’t receiving the love and care that it should have from me.

So, about the article!

I’m featured on the blog of Miss Antonia Nitara aka TheBossLadyBrand.com. She has taken it upon herself to feature various “Boss Ladies” and the professions that they work in. When she reached out and said that she was looking for women to interview I was more than excited to hop on board with her project. It is very rare to see women truly supporting other women and I am all the way here for that.

So, there you have it!

I want to send a special thank you to Antonia! Keep being a wonderful woman uplifting wonderful women. It’s much needed in the world today. I am so excited to be featured and I’m sure you all will love the random little details you didn’t know. 

Comment below to let me know what you think! 

To check out the article click here:

Boss Lady Spotlight, Shining  Meet Lifestyle Blogger: Dominique Nicole

Until next time.

Dominique Nicole 💋

Looking for more information about Dominique Nicole? Check out the links below.

Who is Dominique Nicole?

10 Things about  Dominique Nicole.

Gone for a minute now I’m back!

Hi there! I bet you wondered when you would hear from me next. It’s been about four or so months since my last blog post and that one was a doozy. I was gone for a minute now I’m back! It feels good to be in a creative space again. Brimming over with new ideas and content that I am aching to provide to you. Of course, we have to tackle the gigantic elephant in the room… where did I go and why.

The tea

It honestly all boils down to having an identity crisis. I started blogging because I wanted to share my voice with the world. I, and many of the people in my life, felt that I had valuable input to add to the global discussion on a variety of topics. Politics, mental health, love, general life advice, etc. You name it and I can talk about it. Pretty well I might add. I also started this blog because I was unhappy in my profession. I felt like a caged bird and no bird really wants to feel like they can’t fly

The drawback? Feeling good enough. Ready enough. Smart enough. I didn’t have faith in my ability to put out content that would grab people. On top of that, I didn’t want to peddle crap. I’m excited about the potential earnings that can come from blogging. I look forward to scoring good sponsored content that aligns with my brand but it seems like when you first start out blogging any brand should be your brand and I’m just not with that. I was struggling between a balance of thought-provoking pieces and ones that appeal to my loftier side. #identitycrisis101

So, what happened?

I stopped writing. There was so much advice out there about blogging and branding that I just felt overwhelmed. I couldn’t handle it anymore. All I wanted to do was write but I was extremely focused on everything besides great content. Some content I even contemplated writing just because it would look good visually and I had to stop. In all things I must keep integrity and even more so when my name is attached to it. Plus, the added stress of needing money and the stagnation of my art form, I just had to stop.

So, what have I been up to?

My, my, my. What foolish we weave when we are in opposition of God trying to help us succeed. LOL. I know that sounds a bit dramatic and everything that I have gone through in my absence from the blog has been for my betterment, but wow.

So first and foremost, I moved back home with my parents. Believe me when I say that none of us were thrilled with this change. I’ve pretty much been on my own since I was 17 and to have to move back home was emotionally shattering. I spent about three days in my bed grieving the move before I sucked it up and did what I had to do. The experience has really helped me clear through some heavy childhood wounds and while I am more than ready to go… I am grateful for the experience.

I got… well I had two jobs.

During my hiatus I acquired not one but two jobs and left them both. I don’t know if I’ve ever expressed this on the blog before but I have no desire to work FOR anyone else. I’m happy to work WITH people but the whole being employed and listening to other people’s bullshit is just not for me anymore. Mainly because God has this incredible way of putting me in spaces with the most damaged people, like His spiritual clean-up crew…which is fine except the work environment tends to be pretty trash and that was the case with both jobs.

The bonus however were the lessons I learned from the experiences:

  • I am not meant to work for other people – It has been told to me time and time again that I am meant to strike out on my own. I have been entirely to scared to do that but I do believe that God put me in these situations so that I could understand the calling on my life and what I’m supposed to do.
  • Great friendships can be forged in a short amount of time – Often times I feel like I have to know people for extended periods of time to grow a deep bond but my short work stays proved otherwise and I am grateful for the relationships I built.
  • Negativity is a fact of life – Part of me is always searching for the least negative experience but there is no escaping it. It’s honestly all about how you handle the negativity.

What’s next for Dominique Nicole?

Well one, I am a full-time writer/blogger again. I love how God leads you right back to the same mountain so that you can conquer it. I really compromised what I knew to be true in the name of others and money but I know now that nothing is bigger than my faith and my God.

So, you can expect to see more blog post, more social media activity and most importantly more raw and real stories. My mission is to help as many people as possible with my words and it starts by being real.

I’m also working on a few books and an e-course, which I’m really excited about. I believe all works will be extremely funny but most importantly – helpful.

To sum it all up and get up out of here…

I’m back! And it is so exciting and so amazing to be back. I cannot wait to engage with you all again and to just revel in my creative element. If you’re interested in keeping up with me please subscribe to the blog.

Until next time

Dominique Nicole 💋

Want to know more about Dominique Nicole? Check out the links below.

Who is Dominique Nicole?

10 Things about Dominique Nicole.

In the world today: Suicide

Suicide is at an all time high and it’s so tough to think about. We skirt around mental health all the time like it’s a joke. We constantly label people, places, things as crazy or bipolar or schizophrenic because for some reason mental health is a punchline and it’s totally not. 

In the last week two megastars have committed suicide. Two people who you would think would have it all and be happy. They were successful. They had fame, fortune, a platform to create and be seen, to change the world one episode or handbag at a time. Though I’ve never watched or read any of Anthony Bourdain’s stuff I clearly knew who he was. As for Kate Spade, I’ve been obsessing over her fine china, clothes, shoes, bags and everything else she made for years. They were two very knowable people. 

So why were they so sad? Why did they choose to end it all? 

The sad thing is that we don’t really know. I cried today when I found out about Anthony, not because I knew him, but because I was sad that something took him that low where he took his own life. I cried because I could identify with being that low. 

I remember being so sad and so lonely. I remember sitting in this place, day in and day out, feeling like there was nothing to live for. Feeling like I had nobody who loved me or even cared about my well being. There was so much happening to and around me and I just felt lost and hopeless. I was diagnosed at a young age with anxiety and bipolar disorder but no one took it seriously. In the Black community you’re just bad or in need of a beating to set you right. 

Nobody saw me. Nobody saw my pain. Nobody saw how utterly alone I felt or how unworthy I felt to even be alive. 

I wanted out

And so I tried. 

Multiple times. 

Waking up after each attempt was probably the most painful aspect of it all because I couldn’t understand why God would allow me to stay on a planet that I clearly wasn’t wanted on. For a long time my heart broke every single time I opened my eyes. 

Every morning that I had to wake up and put on the facade of happiness. Every time I had to act indifferent to the fact that nobody saw me. Every time I went looking for love and validation only to be rejected. 

I died a little inside. 

I’ve grown though. I’ve become better. Stronger. I have my battle scars to remind me that I’m a fighter and that I have a purpose and that the Divine just needed me to find it. That’s not always the case for everyone though. 

THE STATISTICS 

A lot of people get angry at those who commit suicide. I don’t. I know what it’s like to live in the darkness. In 2016 alone an estimated 16.2 million adults in the United States had at least one major depressive episode. This number represented 6.7% of all U.S. adults. According to the National Institute of Mental Health in 2016, an estimated 10.3 million U.S. adults aged 18 or older had at least one major depressive episode with severe impairment. This number represented 4.3% of all U.S. adults. And these are only the people who actually talk about their problems. However this number does not mean that they all received help. According to the same report 37% of adults with major depressive episodes did not receive help. 

Millions of people are walking around depressed and even worse, untreated. And the numbers show. We notice celebrity suicides more because they impact us hard. These people are super visible and often times are who many adoring fans aspire to be like. But the hard truth is that suicide is ripping apart lives daily. 

According to CNN “The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention published a survey Thursday showing suicide rates increased by 25% across the United States over nearly two decades ending in 2016. Twenty-five states experienced a rise in suicides by more than 30%, the government report finds.”

According to statistics on afsp.gorg, the official website for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:

(1) Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death

(2) Each year 44,965 Americans die by suicide

(3) For every (1) successful suicides there are 25 suicide attempts

(4) On average there are 123 suicides per day

People are unhappy. People are struggling. So what can we do? 

For those of you not faced with the struggle, pay attention. Reach out to your friends. Reach out to your loved ones. Check on the strong ones. Check on the ones you know are struggling. Listen. I mean really truly listen. Don’t judge. Don’t just suggest prayer. Please don’t suggest just “sucking it up”. If they could, believe me they would. Most importantly, just be there. 

If you’re going through, know that you aren’t alone. There are other people who know exactly how you feel. You are never alone. Know that you are loved and that the world is a better place with you in it. Talk to someone. Don’t be afraid. There are people all over the world who will listen. Build a support system. Those will be the people who will help you get through your bitter days and celebrate you on your best. 

And lastly.

DON’T GIVE UP

 

If you or anyone you know needs help please utilize the resources below:

Psychologytoday.com : online directory of therapists across the nation

.Goodtherapy.org   : online directory of therapists across the nation

Therapyforblackgirls.com : online directory of therapists across the nation

.Herefortexas.com : online directory of therapists and providers across Texas for mental health and addiction. 

Therapyhive.com : online directory of therapists and psychiatrists in the Dallas, Texas area

Melaninandmentalhealth.com : online directory of minority therapists across the Houston, TX area (including Bellaire, Sugarland, Cypress) and a few other cities and states 

Openpathcollective.org : online directory of therapists across the nation that offer services from $30 – $50 a session

Betterhelp.com : online counseling service

Talkspace.com : online counseling service

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255, press 1. Or text 838255

Suicide and Crisis Center of North Texas: 214-828-1000, available 24/7

Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis support across the US. 

I’d like to take this moment to thank my amazing support team, my cousin who crafted this list of services and my partner in life who has seen the deepest depths of my despair and reached into the abyss to pull me out. I love you all.