Teyana & Iman: Why I’m excited for the next iteration of black reality television

Teyana & Iman is premiering on television tonight and I am extremely excited. I don’t really watch realty, in my youth I was a huge fan of The Housewives of Atlanta, Braxton Family Values, Keeping up with the Kardashians and everything that spawned from Flavor of Love. Flavor of Love was EVERYTHING, but then reality tv took a hard nose dive for me.

Why?

Well reality television is over scripted and over dramatic. With stresses and drama of my own (school, work, love and family) I couldn’t be bothered with watching the tomfoolery of others on the screen. I could not handle the emotional stress.

However, when I saw the first preview for the Teyana & Iman show I was intrigued. Personally, ever since this couple popped on the scene I’ve been intrigued by them and their relationship.

What makes them intriguing?

  • They seem like a great combination of extra and low key. Teyana is so over the top and Iman seems chill but extra. I feel like they are the rich equivalent of my spouse and I. I love partnerships that exhibit balance.
  • They are both young, black and successful.
  • They are not all in the new like most other couples. What you hear, if you hear anything, is typically positive. You have to love positive couples.
  • They were/are comfortable doing their life, their way and on their timeline.

Also, baby Junie is one of the most adorable the babies out right now. I mean come on, check her out. She has more style than a little. 

They honestly seem to be a wonderful template and positive representation of young black love. And the world needs more of that. They aren’t perfect, they have their issues, but they bounce back stronger and that’s really what love is about.

Anyway, the Teyana & Iman show premiers tonight on VH1 at 9pm/8c. I’ll be tuning in to check out the love.

 

Will you be checking out the Teyana & Iman show tonight?

Until next time,

Dominique Nicole

Until You…

I drove home today listening to my favorite 90s R & B jams. Songs that have always stuck with me, made me feel the love and I realized something. When all these songs were popping I didn’t know love. I was to young for love of that “nature”. These are songs that I have always belted out passionately but never could I really assign these feelings to any one person, until you. It occurred to me today, that when I think of these songs, only you come to my mind and I wondered how is that? How has the image of this man become so synonymous with songs that I’ve been singing since my childhood.

And the answer was so simple…

I have always sung them for you. Though my physical body knew you not, my soul has always known exactly who you are. And though my ego has tried to protect me from such truths my soul self will no longer be denied.

See, dying to your ego is such a humbling experience. I thought I knew me but by allowing myself to fully love you and to not hide behind the fear of loving you for the fear of you seeing and loving me I. AM. OPEN.

It is literally like peeling an onion. The energy spurts off me in waves. The vortex is open. I am happy, I am sad. I am full, I am empty. I am whole, I am broken. I AM A GODDESS and I am merely mortal.

How could it be?

How could it be that after all this time I am just now experiencing the depths of this love?

How?

How have I been so closed off to the essence of that which already is and was and every will be?

I really don’t know but I have finally found YOU and in finding you I have found ME and through finding me I have found GOD.

For the love that we have, it is nothing but God. For the pull that we have, that is nothing but the Divine trying to get us focused on our earthly mission.

We are here to save the world and it’s a little more daunting of a task then I thought it would be, but with you with me I’m ready. With you by my side I am ready to face the unknown.

I’m stepping into the abyss with you.

Confirmed for One

 

A few weeks ago my boyfriend and I were going through a patch of growing pains. Though we have been a couple on and off for the last millennia, there are still a great many things that we are learning about each other and at times the growing pains are too much. OK, if I am truly honest I have a bad habit of trying to break up with my boyfriend every time he rubs me the wrong way because I tend to be a bit dramatic. We have been back and forth for the entirety of our adult lives and it kind of is what it is, but this post isn’t about him its about me.

As I was saying, a few weeks ago I was in a right mood and decided that I needed some time to breath and my loving boyfriend acquiesced. About a week into the break I had to confirm for a birthday party that we had originally RSVPd to as a couple and now I was having to RSVP for just me. As I stared at the text to reply I really didn’t know what to say. I needed to confirm my attendance but I needed to say that I was going solo to a group of people who monitored my relationship status more than they monitored their bank accounts.

After playing around with the wording of my solo RSVP I finally came up with the response “Confirmed. Just one.” As I sat there debating my text, dreading the response that would come back and the loathing the eyes that would be on me at the party I had a very profound epiphany. I felt less than when I was alone. As I sat there staring at my phone, tears welling up in my eyes, shame rising in my chest I couldn’t fathom why I felt this way. I am a worthy, valuable, smart, talented, educated and beautiful woman with many other qualities that make me valuable all on my own. What in me is so broken that the thought of arriving somewhere alone makes me feel vulnerable and exposed.

The answer: programming. As I started searching my mind for the root cause of this feeling of inadequacy the memories of  every subtle moment of programming started flooding in. From being told that I needed to frame my life in a particular way to attract men to being looked around to ascertain the whereabouts of my spouse I was made to feel inferior on my own.  Women, more so black women, are made to feel inferior when we are single. We are made to feel less than when our relationships end as if the demise is somehow entirely our faults. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve heard:

“You can’t keep a man because you’re mean.”

“You need to reevaluate your standards if you want a man.”

“God, my daughters will never get married, they’re too difficult.”

“Maybe your expectations are too high. Maybe you should just settle for less.”

I, like many other women, have been programmed for the majority of my life to feel like the end all of achievement was a man. Getting married, being the perfect wife and having children were all the things that I was supposed to wrap my life around and I for the most part rebelled against that. I didn’t want to be pigeon-holed into this bleak existence. Every woman that I had ever spoken to about marriage had this sad story to tell about how they settled. My mother told me about how she had not one but two terrible proposals from both my father and my step father and how I could look forward to that. How I had to settle for that.

Yet, as I got older and relationships became more difficult and I started really desiring to settle down I was torn between having my standards and settling so that I would no longer be alone. The words got to me. They chipped away at my standards and my ego and I faltered. Every breakup, every fight, every time I had to start over I judged myself so harshly because I knew what other people around me were thinking. Add in the fact that my boyfriend and I were going through a sticky patch and that is the perfect recipe for paralysis.

But this day was different. See, I’ve been on spiritual journey, a journey back to God and the divinity within me over the last year and I decided that I was tired of this feeling. Tired of feeling like I wasn’t worthy of exactly how I saw my life. Tired of feeling like the path that others have walked define my path. Tired of feeling like I must be confined to the mistakes and the wounds of my ancestors. It was time to start breaking the generational curses that have been bound to my female ancestors for centuries.

So I picked my head up. I wiped away my tears. I stood in the knowledge of my divinity.  I stood in the essence of my worthiness. I stood in the power of the knowing that I am more than enough on my own and I am not the mistakes of my ancestors nor is their story my own and I confidently confirmed my reservation. For one.

Has there been a time where you have had to shrug off the societal expectations of a relationship?